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Sheesh. In the past couple of weeks, everyone from Michael Jackson, to Steve McNair to Oscar Mayer has died. As you might expect, there is a lot of chatter going on in the after-life, and Randomville even has connections there also. Our “mole” has been sending us messages from the after-life for years, but here is a list of some quotes via Twitter of things that were recently overheard by dead celebrities, as well as some of the oldies.

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Andrew Kottwitz:

“I enjoy watching old re-runs of SNL and counting myself among the dead people.” – George Carlin
“I guess you picked the wrong week to quit auto-erotically asphyxiating, eh Carradine?” – Lloyd Bridges
“I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: best ham sandwich. EVER.” – Mama Cass
“When I come back, I am going to slap the shit out of anyone wearing a cross – I wore that fucking thing so you don’t have to, morons.” – Jesus of Nazareth
“Honestly, 1971 was way trippier than heaven OR hell.” – Jerry Garcia

 

Chris St. Charles:

“Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeerse Eddie!” –Johnny Carson recently overheard at The Pearly Gates
“I get it, I have to stay at least 50 feet away from all the cherubs!”- Michael Jackson recently overheard talking to St.Peter
“I think the Shamwow sucks too.”- Billy Mays overheard yacking it up with P.T. Barnum.
“Listen up guys! Farrah is my Archangel now! Mike, you know why I don’t have to explain, because I’m the Head Honcho, The Big Cheese, The Top Dog, The H.M.F.I.C., in other words The Maker OF ALL THINGS! Also, you guys have seen the poster, what the fuck did you think I was gonna do?!”- A recently overheard labor dispute in Heaven

“If this is really heaven, then take me to my pile! What pile? Don’t you assholes watch HBO?”- George Carlin recently overheard giving everybody within an earshot a hard time up in Heaven.

Evan Brown:

“Hey, y’all. I’m Bettie. Patron saint of overweight girls with black hair and rockabilly hipsters alike. “-Bettie Page

“ G#d*mn chicken-a*&d possum-stew-eating-muthaF*$! I can’t believe I’m dead. Shiiiiiit.”- Rudy Ray Moore

“Ah, this coffin smells of fine Corinthian leather.”- Ricardo Montalban

“Go figure. I make it to Heaven but God says it’s okay for the Devil freelanced me for some sort of torture device.”- Paul Harvey (Iconic radio commentator known for his folksy-delivery)

“Even in death cleanup is a snap!”- Billy Mays

Jeff Siwanowicz:

“Aye Dios Mio”- Mother Teresa
“Which country was I in charge of again?”- Ronald Regan
“My tummy still hurts.”- Kurt Cobain
“Where’s the beef?”- Dave Thomas
“No photos, please.”- Princess Diana

Mackenzie McAninch:

“Thank you for accepting me into Heaven. My final request is that all young boys will remain safe on Earth.”- Farrah Fawcett on the morning of June 25th, 2009

“Now THOSE were some god-damn fireworks!!!!!”- Hunter S. Thompson

“My name is Jim, and I’m an alcoholic”- Jim Morrison

“Interesting. The more they seem to socially network, the more their personal interaction skills seem to decrease.”- Mark Twain

“She sold WHAT????”- Kurt Cobain


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