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Who ARE These Guys?

I had the pleasure of interviewing a successful British indie rock band.  Unfortunately, for legal reasons, they cannot disclose the name of the band nor its members.  A person, known only as “Jowett” works closely with the band and has been recording their conversations with their permission (all names have been changed to protect the guilty) and transcribing them to blog form.  The result is one of the funniest blogs I’ve ever read, called “IMONTHEBANDWAGON.”  In fact, it is fourth in the running for best humor blog in the U.K.  Of course, you know what fourth place finishers are awarded in The Olympics.

An example of their conversations usually includes a random subject or strange newspaper story that sends the lads off on various humorous tangents.  Not all subjects are politically correct, nor are their comments.  In fact, that is one reason why they remain anonymous.  Their quips, arguments and insults are ridiculously funny, and seem to be improvised.  For all I know, this could be the work of one blogger playing four or five different roles.  You be the judge.  No matter, it’s damn funny.

The questions I asked them via email might seem a bit odd, and I do admit I tried to “bait” them by asking questions similar to reporters’ questions in the movie, A Hard Day’s Night.   Some questions were formed after reading their previous blog posts.  Topics within various blog posts include:  overdosed and disappearing cats, the mentally challenged, getting arrested, Michael Jackson, Gumby, monkeys, a guy on the crew named Bean Bag, size of male appendages, Muppets, women, Alzheimers patients, Harry Potter; just about any subject is fair game, really.

Click on the link for an example of one of their recent blogs:

Old School Batman, Ryan Makes a Mistake and TV Characters Raiding Shops

On with the Randomville interview…

RANDOMVILLE:  How long has your band been in existence?

MIKE:  Erm, without trying to give too much away, I’ll say we have been going for over 10 years.

RYAN:  Bit vague that is.

MIKE:  Yeah, well, being careful.

 

RANDOMVILLE:  Are you planning a U.S. tour soon?

RYAN:  There isn’t one soon, but I think there will be one again at some point.

RANDOMVILLE:  If you’ve already been here, tell me, how did you find America? [They answered this straight–I was hoping for a John Lennon answer from A Hard Day’s Night: “Turn left at Greenland.”]

MIKE:  Loved it.

RYAN:  Yeah, we really get into it when we are over there.

JOEL:  There is a bit of a language barrier problem, mind.

RYAN:  Yeah, our accent causes problems in America more than any other place.  I think they like it, though.

 

RANDOMVILLE:  Have any of your cats or your relative’s cats been murdered this week?

MIKE:  (Laughs) No.  We talk about cats a lot though.  I realized after looking through old interviews on the website.

RYAN:  We get calls from the record label saying, “Please tell me that the story about Ryan drugging a cat isn’t true?”  They are worried that it will come back to haunt us when PETA gets a hold of information about who we are.

 

RANDOMVILLE: Are you going to be dropping a new album in the near future?

MIKE:  Working on one at the moment.  It’s a Christian rock album called You’ve Absolutely Nailed It.

(Laughter)

RYAN:  That’s why we have to be anonymous.

 

RANDOMVILLE:  What is the best venue in London or elsewhere in the U.K. to see live music?

RYAN:  Erm, there are a few, really.  “The Old Blue Last” in Shoreditch, “Dublin Castle” in Camden…

MIKE:  “Half Moon” in Putney.

RYAN:  Yeah, Loads.

 

RANDOMVILLE:  What do you do for fun, besides Ryan’s mum’s cat? [Really, most of my questions were not about cats, but THEY chose which ones to answer!]

MIKE:  We talk about the death of cats apparently.  We went to a peep show last week, for a laugh.  But we got asked to leave half way through when Ryan shouted, “Put your clothes on Mother, and come home!

 

RANDOMVILLE:   Can you give an example of a practical joke you might have played on someone in the band or crew?

MIKE:   Someone keeps tipping the police off that one of our roadies is a rapist…

RYAN:   He’s not, for the record.

MIKE:  Yeah, but it’s happened a few times where the police have collared him while he has been setting up a stage and said, “I’m arresting you on suspicion of rape,” and he’s replied with, “Oh, not again!

(Laughter)

MIKE:   Police give you a rough time if you say something like that.

 

RANDOMVILLE:  Besides Ryan’s mum’s cat and Parisian hunchbacks, are there any ladies or men in your lives?

RYAN:  Not really, I mean we have all had relationships in the past but we do find it hard to maintain them.

MIKE:  Joel likes to stay single.

JOEL:  Yeah.

MIKE:  Mainly because the red light district depends on it.

JOEL:  Shut up.

MIKE:  You were sort of seeing someone recently though, weren’t you?  She was a bit weird from what I remember.

JOEL:  It didn’t really work out; she was always in and out of hospital.

MIKE:  Oh, fuck, I’m sorry, I didn’t realize; What was wrong?

JOEL:  Nothing, she just worked there.

MIKE:  (Tuts) Idiot, I thought I had said something horrible!

RYAN:  So no, there aren’t any women in our lives.  That little conversation shows why we can’t hold on to any women.

 

RANDOMVILLE:   What is one memorable thing that’s happened to you or the audience at a show?

MIKE:  Erm, once, during a sound check before a show, our old bass player was on the verge of a nervous breakdown and his guitar was just knackered or wasn’t working properly so he threw it on the floor and walked off saying, “I don’t care anyway, it’s my birthday.”  It wasn’t.

 

RANDOMVILLE:  Is your band named “Voldemort” (i.e., the band that shall not be named)?

RYAN:  Well, the idea behind the blog was Jowett.  He came to us and said if you let me record a conversation with you, twice a week and publish it on the internet, I will let you say what you want and keep your name a secret.  It was only until recently that management wanted to listen in to make sure we don’t say anything dodgy in case it ever is revealed who we are.

 

RANDOMVILLE:  Is there anyone or anything (animal or otherwise) to whom you’d like to give a shout-out?

MIKE:  I sponsor a monkey at a sanctuary in the U.K., so “Hello, Charlie.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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