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Whoa boy! Per EW, White Castle has released a burger-scented candle and it’s even for a good charity. Seems like a good idea, right? For those of you  that have never eaten a White Castle burger, this probably isn’t a big deal because burgers smell good, correct?

Well, “White-ies” or “Sliders” or “Rectum Rockets” as we used to call them in the Midwest are a tad bit different. Sure, they do taste good (after a 12 pack of beer or a good, solid joint) and are pretty cheap at nearly two for a dollar. But they do NOT treat you well. And it’s all in those onions they put on those things. That smell comes out of your pores, off of your breath, out of your burbs, urine, and well…you know…for days. It seems like it will NEVER go away.

Although I will stick up for White Castle as they do have good coffee and possibly the best cheese sticks I’ve ever eaten, I think having my home smell like their artery-clogging burgers for days would be similar to waterb0arding.

No thanks.

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