I had been trying to figure out an interesting theme for my precious Pulp section for some time before staging a pirate invasion occurred to me. A conversation I had with Randomville writer Gary Price about jewel thieves was the launch point. Starting with thieves, the topic quickly shifted to pirates, and then from pirates to books about pirates. With pirates on the brain, my conclusion was fairly logical. So I put the idea to the writers. Gary stepped up with a cunning review of Treasure Island. Randomville’s very own Promotions Guru Kristin Clark took on Sue Carpenter’s 40 Watts from Nowhere (an examination of the author’s time in pirate radio). Martin McGrath wrote an overview of various aspects of piracy on the Internet. Oh, and I wrote a piece on my favorite adventure on the high seas, Mutiny on the Bounty.
You might still be scratching your ass, wondering, “Why pirates?” Try saying the following lines out loud and see if you don’t catch a little of the pirate spirit, also known as the clap. I dare ya.
Avast, me hearties!
Yo-ho-ho, and a bottle of rum, yo!
It’s a pirate’s life for me! Yarrr!
And then I think the invasion goes a little something like this:
A tattered black flag sways in the wind. A sinister, high-pitched noise sounds throughout the seedy docks of Randomville’s red light district. The eerie whistle shakes the seagulls to their very tail feathers.
Raspy, off-key voices ring out, “Fifteen men on the dead man’s chest– Yo-ho-ho, and a bottle of rum! Drink and the devil had done for the rest– Yo-ho-ho, and a bottle of rum!”
A figure steps out of the shadows. ‘Tis Lunar of the Seven Seas, so known for the tattoo of the full moon on her moon.
She flips her purple dreadlocks behind her shoulders, and stands with her hands on her hips. “Clear a path, ye bloody ninjas,” she spits at the locals, who tremble at her magnificence.
She swishes down the filthy street in her peg leg boots and begins to shout out commands to no one in particular.
“Oy, you there lad, shiver me timbers!”
“Ye belligerent sprogs best bring forth some grog lest ye face the most vicious keelhauling this town’s ever seen.”
“Avast, ye scurvy dogs! Finds me some books what need burnin’.”
A timid bookworm steps out to greet the pirate invaders. “Ahoy! I am Lunar of the Pulpmobile! Welcome, ye foul knaves to Randomville. Hope ye enjoy yer stay! And do mind the goats. They’re surly.”
This pirate invasion has been brought to you by the letters “Aye!” and “Arr!”
“Oh and ye best be checking out one of the best web sites for piracy out in these here troubled waters: http://www.pyracy.com. ‘Tis awesome.”
Like pirate booty? You can win by entering our caption contest. Go here for the detalis.